my phone needs a breathalizer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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