there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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