i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i think im in europe. pls send help
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
