i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Houston, we have a squirter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
