ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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