you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
