you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
