GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
