When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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