Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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