Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
FUCK WHALES
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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