I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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