hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
