Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You work out of a Hotel?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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