remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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