Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
