We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
