No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
