What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
