Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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