Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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