i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your penis caused this!
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