there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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