hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
