I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
