can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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