he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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