Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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