Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
