Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
