just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
