Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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