i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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