so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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