At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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