i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He passed out mid-signature
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
