Sry I called you an 8
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
