i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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