May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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