I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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