Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
