I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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