I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
