It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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