I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
