Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
