dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize