ooooooooooooo i'm drink
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess