I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
