she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT