how can u be prego again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
