farters have to be the big spoon...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
