i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
