I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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