Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
