i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
