I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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