put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
