So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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