Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
