CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
