she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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