there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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