My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
