i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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